by Emily Horne 2/1/2013
Hello my name is Emily, and I have ugly feet.
But I just flop them out there, screw being discreet.
Hideous! Deformed! Misshapen and battered!
Anything short of 'mutant' and I'm flattered.
First off, they’re HUGE. Like big ol' pink flippers.
Size 10 ½ wide, if I use the big clippers.
My second toe (Lucy) is as long as a lighter
With Lucy and Biggin's, I'm a prizewinning toe fighter
I can pinch you so hard it'll make you bruise
You'll beg me to stop and to put on some shoes
I digress, apologize, I'm not here to boast
I'll tell you what has my podiatrist engrossed.
These bunions, you see, these big protruding bones?
They aren't warts, or growths, or look like Davy Jones...
It just happens to be the way my tootsies are shaped
They don't look half bad when they’re sanded and scraped
A few coats of good polish, bright red- if you please
and a cute pair of sandals to let in the breeze
Maybe I should hide them, just put them away...
But not one solitary fuck was given this day.