Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Beauty Battle
by Emily Horne

I woke up one morning and found out that I'm old
My feet are tired and my bones are cold
I've got grey hairs growing in the shape of a tiara
My boobs are migrating south to Guadalajara.

My wrinkles are multiplying
My eyebrows stopped complying,
When wave goodbye to my mates
My arm fat reverberates

So here's what I need to fix this disaster
gorilla glue, duct tape, bondo and plaster
Shape-wear, hair dye, primer, and Spanx
Tweezers, and white strips, and Tom Hanks.

I don't really need him, but I love him dearly
I'll try to stay focused because I mean this sincerely
A ton of work goes into being so foxy
It takes dedication, persistence and epoxy

I knows it's nature's big grand plan,
But I'm not about to give up, man!
I'll hike 'em up and squeeze it in
I'll exfoliate and paint my skin

I'll glue on some hair and shave the others
It's crazy! I know! And if cause if I had my druthers
Hairy pits & saggy tits would all the rage
A woman's body tells a story, an epic tale of age.


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